雅思考試范文剖析
來源：
小編： 21寫作通常是容易拿高分的地方，但要真拿到高分，也必須花點心思。我看到有些學生的情況，很是替他們著急，所以請他們認真看看再比較一下以下兩篇文章，定會有很大啟發的。
以下兩篇文章都是essay類型。內容也一樣，都是討論騎自行車的好處。“bicycle”是中國人寫的考試范文，“why cycle?”是一個英國人為“號召倫敦人多用自行車”的活動寫給網上讀者的。請大家注意下面幾個方面：
一 用詞
“bicycle”作者的用詞是中國式的。從題目就可以看出來。騎自行車的通常說法是 “cycling” 或“riding a bike”,騎自行車的人是“bicyclist”或“cyclist”。如果根據作者的標題，不應該是討論騎自行車的問題，應該是討論自行車本身諸如發明、改進、用途、價格、式樣、功能等問題。文中其他的用詞，大家可以自己找。
二 句式
“bicycle”的作者句式單一，幾乎就是一個又一個簡單句順序排列，而且少有用形容詞和副詞修飾句子，使句子過于平淡。重點不突出，句式無起伏，詞匯有限，并在文章中重復使用，如：“騎自行車”，作者僅用“bicycles”或“riding bikes”或“they”造簡單句。而“why cycle?”的作者用同樣的詞對句子做各種修飾。雖然文體是essay, 但因為是登在網上的，要照顧各個層次的讀者，所以作者的句式和用詞都趨于簡單，但并不單調。
三 文章結構
“bicycle”作者的思路是清晰的，但表達不明確，所以造成結構混亂的感覺，考試時會吃虧的。 下面就是這兩篇文章。
中國作者的Bicycle (摘自無憂雅思論壇上網友的習作)
Bicycles have become more and more popular in China. People ride bikes to their work places, to shopping areas, to schools, and so on. During the rush hours, you can often see a boiling sea of bicycles running in all directions. With the largest number of bike riders in the world, China is often referred to as the kingdom of bicycles.(主題句不明顯，不知道作者想要說什么：自行車越來越流行，要討論流行趨勢？自行車那么多，要討論自行車對城市的影響？中國是自行車王國，要討論中國的自行車歷史？ )
Compared with cars, bikes have many advantages(這應該是主題句，在這么短的文章里應該放在第一段). First, they are not very expensive, and almost every family can afford them. (這句話分成2個句子比較好，一句是key point,一句做進一步解釋)Second, they are very handy and convenient though they are not so fast as cars. With a bike, you can go anywhere you like, and you don't have to look for a large parking place. By riding bikes, you can avoid traffic jams and thus save the time and the money for taking taxis(同第一點一樣，但這一點思路有些亂). Third, they do not cause air or sound pollution(沒有解釋，這一點肯定拿不到好分數).
Riding bikes does good to your health if you ride it regularly(這應該是文章要論述的第四點，但沒有連接詞，又分了段，打亂了文章的整體結構). In modern times, people are usually too busy to spare any time for physical exercise. Riding a bike to your work place regularly serves as a good way to keep yourself strong and healthy. (2個句子的順序換一下比較好。因為前面已經說了有益于健康，讀者等著聽解釋，但作者卻換了話題。第一句話應該是第二句話的原因。)
Therefore, a bicycle is really an important means of transportation in China. It has been very useful, convenient and necessary ever since it was invented. And I do believe it will still be so in the future.(結論態度不鮮明，沒有緊扣主題句。 應該重述四個優點，然后給出結論)
